In His Time

Today I want to diverge slightly from updates about my illness to something else that has been on my heart this week. Especially while Paul has been out of town the last 2 weekends (for a men's retreat and a grad school interview), I've been trying to find new strategies to keep myself sane, relaxed, and in a better place. One of these is I have taken up yoga. It's actually way more fun than I expected and it's the closest thing to "exercise" I can do in my current condition, even though most of it consists of me lying on the floor trying to hold my legs up in the air for a few seconds at a time before my strength gives out. :-P

The other thing is I have started trying to read my bible every day again. I know all my church friends may scoff, but unfortunately this is just not something I am in the habit of doing. Most days I blame it on my vision problems, attention span issues, or muscle weakness (holding up a book is very difficult many days), but when I do it right after my yoga routine, when my mind is more clear and relaxed, I'm finding it much easier. Yesterday I was drawn to Jeremiah 29. This is of course the chapter containing the famous passage "I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you..." that so many Christians cling to when they are fearful about the future. I don't want to offend anyone, but it always bugs me a little when people seem to take that verse out of context and assume it means that God is about to insert blessings into your life. However, as I explored the context a little, I found this to be a promise worth clinging to, especially in very difficult struggles, when understood for what it is--a message about God's timing.

This chapter is a letter sent from the prophet Jeremiah to "the surviving elders of the exiles... whom Nebuchadnezzar had taken into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon." These are God's people, His chosen ones, who were enslaved to the Egyptians for 400 years and then wandered in the desert for 40 years after escaping Egypt because of their own disobedience. They were promised a homeland "flowing with milk and honey" but they almost never made it there because of their own fear. Once they finally arrived, they were hunted by other nations, warred among themselves, and struggled constantly to remember the things God had done for them, always tending to trust their own judgment. Eventually, they were ransacked by the Babylonians and exiled into slavery yet again, this time in Babylon.

The first part of the Lord's message to these exiles in Jeremiah 29 is this: "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. (v.5-7) In other words--get comfortable, you're going to be here a while. God does not rush in to the rescue and say, "just ask me and I will set you free." Quite the opposite; He tells them to settle in, encourage their families to make homes and plant crops, knowing they will be around long enough to harvest them. For the time being, there is no escape. Many days, this is how I feel--"exiled" into illness, knowing that even though someday I may be set free, in the meantime I need to learn to live where I am now, adjust to my current situation and try to make the best of it, perhaps even to stop praying for immediate healing and start looking for ways to make my own kind of "houses" and "gardens"--things that will make my life as tolerable and productive as it can be now.

Fortunately, this is not the end of the story. "For thus says the lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place." I think if I were a Jewish exile at this point, I'd be thinking, "Seriously, God? Seventy years!" I am not a patient person. I come from a culture where, when something is "promised" it is expected to be delivered promptly. I spent large portions of last week fighting with FedEx because they took over a WEEK to deliver a birthday present to my sister-in-law that was supposed to be there in 2 days--they promised to deliver it and, as far as I'm concerned, they failed because I had certain expectations for how long it would take and they didn't live up. How odd it must have seemed to receive a letter from God saying: I will live up to my promise, but I'm going to wait until you have grandchildren before I do it. This is when God follows up, saying, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." (v. 11-14)

God reminds His people that the grand scheme of things from His point of view is much larger than their seventy year exile. He has big plans for the future and He wants them to know that then, in the future, they will have everything they want, but not yet. There is so much that can be learned about the heart of God through this chapter. For one, He is absolutely faithful to His promises. He desires goodness, wholeness, and blessings for His people. But for me the bottom line of the statement "I know the plans I have for you" is that those plans are clearly for a future time. This is ultimately a reminder that God works in His own timing, and there is nothing we can do to change that. There have been times when I have gotten quite angry with God for His "bad timing," feeling He has robbed me of so many of the "prime" years of my life by giving me this illness. Physically and mentally, I relate far better to someone in their 60s than in their 20s. During the ages when most of my friends were partying, having a social life, pursuing higher education, or establishing a career, I was unable to get out of bed, wondering what was wrong with me. But Jeremiah reminds me that God's plans for my life are so much bigger than my own. Fortunately, at least I (hopefully!) don't have to wait to have grandchildren before I may see His restoration take place! But even if I did, I think if I had a better perspective, I should be okay with that. My life on earth is to accomplish His purpose, and maybe His purpose is just for me to prepare the way for future generations to receive the fulfillment of His promises. He never guarantees us a life of ease or even individual prosperity--what He does guarantee is that our existence means something. We do not breath and move on this earth for no reason. Even if we never see the end, He is using us to accomplish some greater good through us and in a world so desperately seeking the "meaning of life" I think this is, perhaps, the greatest promise of all.

I encourage anyone who is a big fan of Jeremiah 29 to be sure and read chapters 30-31 as well. God makes perfectly clear what His style of restoration looks like and it is a beautiful and terrible thing to behold! My favorite verse is at the end of chapter 30. After fleshing out the inspiring picture of how He will eventually draw His people back to Himself, he also reminds them that "the fierce anger of the Lord will not turn back until He has executed and accomplished the intentions of His mind." The present suffering has a purpose and that purpose WILL be accomplished. Then comes my favorite part: "In the latter days you will understand this." I'm sure there is debate about what "the latter days" refers to exactly, but for me it is enough just to see that a) God understands that His promise is counter-intuitive right now for us humans who are in the middle of the suffering and see a long road ahead before the healing comes, and b) He promises that someday we will be able to understand. In HIS time, all things may be revealed.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.