Signs of Spring

Today is the first day of spring and I am feeling very much in the mood to celebrate the newness of seasons. Maybe that explains why I am sitting here in shorts and a tank top next to an open window despite the fact that it is only 45 degrees outside here in Colorado. :-P As I feel my toes slowly starting to get numb ask I try to bask in the sunshine streaming through the window, I am beginning to realize that the joy I feel in celebrating the arrival of spring probably has less to do with the actuality of spring and more to do with what it symbolizes. It is not just sunshine and warm weather, blooming flowers or a time to plant gardens. Spring symbolizes the hope of something new and beautiful. Rebirth after a cold, harsh winter. Some might say that winter is just as natural as spring--it's the natural circle of life to have birth and death in equal portions--but I think there is still something in the human psyche that tends to see winter as a necessary stage because it makes us rejoice that much more in spring. It is the fasting before the feast; too much of either would be unnatural, but the one makes you enjoy the other so much the more.

The hope and promise of the future is especially on mind mind today after my doctors appointment yesterday. Most of you know, the last few weeks have been incredibly difficult with several medication issues, herx reactions, and some truly terrifying symptoms. The "6 week" treatment on the Doxycylene, which actually took almost 12 weeks to complete because of how many times I had to stop the antibiotics because of the severity of my symptoms, finally ends this week. I went to the doctor yesterday to discuss where to go from here. I rather expected them to say I would need to stay on the Doxy a few weeks longer and hope for the best. The message I ended up getting was very different!

After running some tests and discussing medication options with the nurse, I sat down with my doctor, who looked at my charts and the first thing he said was, "You are taking a lot!" That alone made me feel a little bit better. At least I'm not the only one who gets a little overwhelmed when I look at the 2 FULL PAGES of meds and supplements I take each day. I think his exact words were something like, "I would love to try to simplify all this for you if at all possible; however, the way things are looking right now, your body is giving all the signs that it's ready to really fight this battle!" The muscle tests showed that I don't need the Doxy any more and I'm ready to start some more aggressive antibiotics. My immune system, which has been practically non-existent for the last few years, is starting to function again and is gaining strength very quickly.  Every person is different, and of course every new set of medications comes with new sets of possible complications or side effects depending on how my body reacts, but it was a huge encouragement to start hearing my doctor talk about the overall treatment period in terms of months rather than years.

Now I'm not going to lie. The new set of meds he put me on now is more likely to make me feel worse instead of better, at least in the short term. Viral infections produce toxic "die-off" symptoms, just like you see with Candida or other fungal infections, known as the Herxheimer reaction, producing symptoms like fever, headaches, hyperventilation, muscle pain, fatigue, etc. Going after the infection more aggressively significantly increases the likelihood of experiencing this reaction (or "herxing" as they call it). However, if my body can keep up with the toxin load, this more aggressive approach will be far more effective at killing the infection and possibly reducing the overall time-frame for recovery. I am definitely more than a little anxious about what this means for my overall functionality over the next few weeks/months, particularly as things are starting to get busier and more demanding with my job. If I start having frequent problems with herxing, days when I can get out of bed may become rare, much less days when I can go in to work, go grocery shopping, or handle daily chores.

Still, I see this news as a powerful message of hope for future healing. The first day of spring does not magically make winter go away. Seasons are a process and it takes time, and sometimes the change from one season to another happens slowly and with several relapses (like last year when we had 80 degree weather in Feb and a huge snowstorm the first week of May!). I know there is still "snow" in my future, but the important thing to recognize is that there is change! Things are happening! And even if the early buds of spring are overcome by another late frost, they are still a reminder that the process is still in place. Winter cannot last forever. Rebirth will always come eventually. And that is something worth celebrating.